’This is my beloved…in whom I am well pleased.’
In the brisk January night air, my nine-year old, sparkly-high-top clad fashionista and I shuffled through the Michaels parking lot toward our silver Ford Focus.
I smiled wide when I spied my precious retreat team sister strolling toward us.
After hugs and pleasantries, she introduced me to the young woman accompanying her.
And proceeded to gush, using words about me like “mentor”, homeschooling mom of 4, I’ll never forgot when you did…
While I stood, speechless. Simply mute at her accolades.
My mind raced with protests, reasons why all her praises were invalid.
Though she seamlessly transitioned into other topics, it was not lost on me that I was unable to accept her sincere compliments.
I have my own guesses at why.
I have grown used to shutting things out. Freezing.
It used to be a response to trauma and stress, a coping mechanism of which this freedom journey has made me keenly aware.
But this blocking of hurt…
It also blocks the flip side.
Not feeling great pain means not feeling great joy.
Bonnie Gray from Faith Barista is asking, “How is God calling you to be the Beloved?”
Um, me? Beloved? Just considering the question triggers the guards going up…
But I asked Him anyway. Because He is slowly melting that frozen part of me that attempts to shut out those extreme emotions.
And I think He prompted me to ask.
How Lord, how are you calling me to be the Beloved? What could that possibly mean in my life?
Immediately, this idea came to me, gentle yet sure.
As in: believe me. Let me pour into you. Know my love and all that it means…does…transforms.
Could that really be true?
I kept the idea tucked away…like Mary, pondering it in my heart.
In my wanderings online shortly after, I came across this video. In a unique series of events that brings you to a place that is not accidental.
I found it on the blog Legacy: Seasons of Beauty from a post entitled Just in case you needed to be reminded of His love tonight.
This speaks so eloquently what I fumble to express.
May you need to hear it, too?
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