You’re reading a post in the Hearts Undaunted series. In this series, we explore how to live free from overwhelming fear, anxiety, discouragement, insecurity, and worthlessness. Please click here to read other posts in this series.
For maybe the first time ever…I didn’t feel like writing.
I simply didn’t want to.
I had a topic and several options for openers…but I was dragging my feet.
I procrastinated by checking some messages before deciding to get to work.
And then my computer died.
It just shut off and refused to restart.
Hmmm. No writing today, Lord? Really? Is that what You’re trying to tell me?
Then I wondered if He wanted me to write about something else.
See, there’s this Heart Tool. A really big one. A hard one.
And I’ve been considering leaving it out…
Because it’s hard.
With my laptop screen black, I paused to pray.
I thought about that tool I don’t want to share and how I might present it.
And then my husband got the laptop working. No joke.
I don’t know what that means. I don’t pretend to be sure it means anything.
But I’m going to tell you about the tool…because I promised you a series about what worked for me.
* * *
“Never be afraid to be broken.”
For much of my life, I equated being broken with being weak. In my mind, that made my weakness and brokenness my own fault.
Not speaking up for myself, feeling self-conscious, being second best…
Indecision, loneliness, anxiety, fear…
They must be all my fault right? Because I am weak and broken.
If I was strong and whole, then I wouldn’t be those things, right?
We are all broken, wounded, weak.
Sometimes, we make decisions that contribute to this. Sometimes, circumstances beyond our control cause this.
Early on, and through my childhood, I encountered circumstances beyond my control.
Abuse initiated a cycle of brokenness and woundedness that I was not consciously aware of until adulthood.
In that brokenness, I allowed legalistic religious authorities and various overly harsh teachers and professors to contribute to my woundedness.
Only as an adult, a married woman with children, spiraling into paralyzing fear and anxiety, was I aware enough and brave enough to seek help.
An initial round of counseling helped me establish boundaries and face fear head on. It was gut-wrenching but necessary.
Years later,when the fear and anxiety crept back in, another counselor helped me identify my wounds specifically. With her help, a plan, and the grace of God, something exciting and rather miraculous happened.
The chains broke.
Life is not easy. I still get anxious. I still have fears.
But I know those thing are not from God.
And now, when, they come, I know how to tackle them.
I was going to call this heart tool “Work on Your Wounds” because of the alliteration and all…
But that’s not really what it’s about.
It’s about the way Jesus wants to heal you.
He wants to set you free. It’s what He came for.
We all have something. Maybe it’s abuse, or loss, or shame–something that is at the core of the fear, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness.
Even if it is something that happened to us, at some point we must take the initiative to pursue healing.
He longs to heal us. I’ve been asking for a long time, and asking for Him to be gentle.
So, when Ann says not to be afraid of being broken? It’s true.
He shines His transforming light through the broken pieces.
He heals. He frees.
And the telling of His glory in doing so can bring healing to His other children.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted,
and those who are crushed in spirit He saves.
- Do you ever feel broken or wounded?
- What circumstances or situations contribute to that feeling?
- Would you like to take steps to pursue healing?
Spend some time in prayer asking God what area(s) of your life He wants to heal and if it is the right time to pursue it. Tell Him how you feel about your wounds and what it would mean to be free from them. Begin keeping a journal of your healing process.
Heavenly Father, thank you for making us whole and complete in You. In this life, we have suffering. Some is pain that You never intended for us to know. You sent Your Son to set us free. Work out that healing and freedom in Your children. Gently, in Your time, draw each of us close and speak Truth. Guide each step. Let us know Your tender love. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Friends, please do not embark on this journey alone. Enlist at least two friends or family members who know you well and love you unconditionally. Ask them to pray and walk through it with you. Consider seeing a Christian counselor.
The comments are open. What is on your heart? If you prefer, you can email me: mandy.mianecki [at] gmail.com.